Having a child diagnosed with psychosis is often devastating. For some, it may even feel like the end of the world. 
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For the first few hours after the diagnosis, no reassuring words seem to help. However, once you’re through the initial shock, Psychosis is more like one chapter of your child's life is over and a new is beginning.

It is easy for parents to instantly blame themselves for the unforeseen things that happen in their children’s lives. The instinctual reaction is to jump in and try to solve the problem for them. Then, when we realize that we cannot solve it for them, we blame ourselves. Unfortunately, we cannot and should not do that either. 

So, what can parents do?

Most importantly, being there for your child, no matter how angry they get or irrational they appear. Being physically with them, even if you're just sitting there while they go on and on about something you want to correct, just sit with them. They are aware that you are there. Your job is to be supportive while our job, as professionals, is to challenge them and determine the best course of treatment and medications. Let us be the tough guys in their eyes. We will take the blame and are trained to handle it. 
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When you are not with your child, learn as much as you can about their condition by reading. Go to support groups available in your community to network with other parents in a similar situation. Become involved in their care, work with the treatment team and provide input. Most importantly, ask a lot of questions and let the team know what your limitations are. 

Make sure your child takes his or her medication. There is no amount of therapy that I or any therapist can do that will help rid them of the psychosis. Therapy is useless without the client being on medication. My job is to help them once their symptoms start to go away. 
Wait before you stop reading, it is important to emphasize the following points: 
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• You child has not changed forever from the one you've raised.
• Your child is not going to instantly become homeless, walking the streets and mumbling to himself. 
• You are not responsible for your child’s illness. 

 

About Tom: Tom Earnshaw, LCSW is a therapist at Curis Functional Health who specializes in Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar Disorder, and Psychosis. To schedule an appointment with Tom Click here.

Curis Functional Healthis a multidisciplinary functional health center that integrates mental health, chiropractic, and dietetics.  Click here to learn more about Curis.

“I didn't cause it.” 
“I can’t cure it.” 
“I can’t control it.” 

If you have ever been to an Alanon meeting, you’ve probably heard these before. Though there’s a lot of wisdom in these thoughts, they can be truly hard to understand, especially when you’re family is caught up in the addiction cycle. 

A lot of times, family members try to do things to control the addiction behaviors of their loved one. To do so, often feels like self-preservation. We’re just trying to survive it with as little damage as possible. There’s a theory in psychology called change theory, which basically states that we don’t really make any changes unless we’re uncomfortable. So, avoiding discomfort may actually be perpetuating the disease process in our loved one. Our interference with them being uncomfortable can actually allow their suffering to continue longer than it would have. Wrap your mind around that one! 
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We are not meant to control their behaviors, or rescue them from their consequences. We are allowed to let it go. In fact, most times, our desire to control them backfires on us. 

​Family members and mostly parents can feel like they have somehow caused the addiction. The reality is, there are many factors that contribute to the creation of the disease and it’s very rarely one person or one event. Genetics can be a factor in someone developing the disease of addiction. On the other hand, there are many people who are genetically loaded for it and never manifest the disease. In addition, people experience many painful things in their lives. We just are not capable of rescuing our loved ones from all of them and allowing them to go through these pains, often make people better.

How are we supposed to know the difference? We can’t bubble wrap our loved ones to protect them from every life event. Our addicted person may try to blame us, which is common. But once we choose to let go of that blame, it can allow them to take responsibility for their own lives and grow from it. 
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I wish we had a quick fix or a pill that could cure addiction. I’d have to find a new line of work and I’d be okay with that. But, in reality, those do not exist. There is no quick cure. There is only continued progress toward health and peace. If you think about it, most diseases are like that. Our body tells us there is something wrong and we may be able to change our lifestyle (this can mean taking medication, or not) but if we go back to an unhealthy-for-us lifestyle, the disease comes back. 

Addiction acts the same way. We, as the army of family members, do not have a way to cure the addiction for our loved one, but we can support their recovery, and our own.  As we learn what addiction really is, we can help with the recovery process for our addicted family member. Learning how to have boundaries with them and to create a sense of safety in the family is key.

Most of us begin this journey with no idea how to do this. It’s part of the process of moving our family into recovery. Having a group of supportive and knowledgeable people in your life is important and will help you and your loved one enter into, and stay in, recovery.
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About Julia: Julia Wesley, LMFT-S is a therapist at Curis Functional Health who specializes in addiction, codependency, couples, and family therapy.  Click here to schedule with Julia today. 
Curis Functional Health is a multidisciplinary functional health center that integrates mental health, chiropractic, and dietetics.  Click here to learn more about Curis.

​What comes to mind when you think of the word DREAM?  For some, it may bring up thoughts of the future and potential achievements, while for others it may be reoccurring nightmares or nightly dreams that they just can’t shake.  And of course, there are the daydreamers…  There are so many meanings to this single word that we delve into, so today I would like to focus on the meaning of dreams that occur at night.

Reoccurring dreams or nightmares can be haunting and confusing - Why do I keep having the same dream? What does it really mean? What does this say about me and about my life?  
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Many different theorists in the world of psychology have come up with different ways to view and interpret our dreams.  The first person that comes to mind when thinking of dream theories is Freud.  He wrote the book ‘Interpretation of Dreams’, which stated that our dreams were a way of fulfilling our desires that we kept repressed in our subconscious.  He believed that our dreams, both good and bad, held hidden meanings within them.  Seems intriguing, right?  Well not to everyone, apparently.  McClarley and Hobson had a different theory when it came to dreams, and it was the opposite of Freud’s.  Their theory is known as the Activation-Synthesis Theory and it states that our brain circuits being activated during REM sleep cause our dreams.  Though this theory looks at dreams as mainly random firings within the brain, they do believe that some dreams could be useful.

These are just two of the many theories out there that discuss dreams, their origin, and whether or not they hold meaning.  However, sometimes when our dreams are distressing we need a little bit more than a theory to help us understand and process their distressing nature. That’s where we can help! As counselors, we can help you walk through those dreams and build the tools necessary to process them.  One of the best tools to start your work is to keep a dream journal.  We can also help you through creating your own journal.

So many books, TV shows, and articles have been written or produced about how to be a good parent.  It all seems so easy in the media, but practically, it doesn’t always feel that way.  Parenting is really hard work, and equally rewarding.  It is filled with moments of self-doubt --even fear.  So, what does being a, good parent really mean? 
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The truth is that there really is no one-size-fits-all approach.  So it’s not so much about becoming that perfect parent, but rather about being a, good enough, parent.  This is equal parts choosing a parenting style that authentically fits for you and is mutually good for your child.  

Dr. Laura Markham, the author of ‘Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How To Stop Yelling and Start Connecting’, integrates teaching discipline and helping your child understand their emotions.  Dr. Markham highlights that the two most important lessons a child will learn are: (a) how to manage their feelings and (b) how to understand the feelings of others. 

She believes the first step is to lead by example by demonstrating mindful self-awareness. Parent self-awareness of their own emotion, ability to pause and reflect, rather than react, models a calm way of processing feelings.  With this insight and understanding, you can appropriately share your feelings without reacting in frustration and anger.  In turn, the child will eventually learn to manage their feelings the same way.

Dr. Markham believes it is important to, connect before you correct.  When children feel an unshakable bond, built through positive interactions and deep connection, correcting misbehavior can become more fluid.  It is safe to receive behavioral corrections when you have no doubts about your parents’ affinity for you.  This method is so powerful; it works for the whole family --not just with kids!
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Parenting can be overwhelming at times, which is why seeking professional expertise can be wise. At Curis Functional Health, we have seasoned, non-judgmental, compassionate counselors who would love to help you through your parenting journey.  We can offer support, guidance, and help you discover the tools to be the best parent you can be.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you look at your calendar and realize how incredibly filled your day, week, or even month is?
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For most of us, it is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of living and focusing our energy on what’s going on around us.  Whether it is our career, taking the kids to soccer practice or trying to make room for our partners, there are many competing aspect of life that we all have to juggle. Unfortunately, we often tend to forget about the most important thing -- to take care of ourselves.

Self-care is a concept that frequently tends to get overlooked.  Even when a person is aware of the concept, they sometimes believe they don’t have time to work it into their very busy schedules and lives.

Self-care is not a one-size- fits-all thing. It is rather a concept that can be molded to fit your needs and your lifestyle. For example, one person may look at taking a nap, where another may look at taking a walk or a moment to meditate or just be alone as forms of self-care. The beauty of this concept is that there are no right or wrong ways to do it.

The key to implementing self-care is simply to ask, “What can I do for me?” This is something that you can work through on your own or with your counselor.
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A good resource, that has helped many of my clients and is always of great help for me personally, is the Self-Care Wheel shown in the diagram below.  It covers numerous ideas and styles for self-care. It can help get you started on one of the most important paths for taking care of you.

If you want to explore this with a professional counselor, we, at Curis Functional
Health, would be happy to have a discussion with you.
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And remember: don't forget to do something for yourself today!

​Think back to when you were experiencing a difficult time. Hopefully the people closest to you offered the same support and compassion. Now, think about how you treated yourself during this time. Were you harder on yourself than you would ever think to be towards someone you cared about? For a lot of people, their self-talk can be very critical and shaming. You might replay your perceived mistakes in your head over and over. Sometimes these thoughts can be so distressing they begin to eat away at your self-worth.
Our self-talk is often a product of the statements we have heard from others, or the expectations that others placed on us. It’s easy to internalize these statements as our own, particularly if they came at a vulnerable time or from someone we looked up to. We develop an inner bully that knows all of our most vulnerable spots.
Finding Self-Compassion
If you are having thoughts like these, there are some things you can try to help! If you can start to think of these thoughts as the words uttered bully sitting on your shoulder, they become easier to to distinguish from thoughts that are truly your own. This skill can be further strengthened in therapy, where you’ll also be introduced to the concept of self-compassion. Self-compassion is giving yourself the same kindness, gentleness, and empathetic support you would give to your best friend or a child. Developing self-compassion is especially important because it takes having it for ourselves in order to give it to others.